Dorm:
[[An incredibly libidinous, extremely attractive couple try and enter one person's dorm room.]]
Locked.

Other Dorm:
[[The same couple in the other person's dorm room, where the roommate is sitting at a computer playing an MMO]]
Roommate: I'll be done tuesday.
Roommate in raid

Library Rare Book Collection:
[[Libidinous couple staring inside the room from outside.  Nelson Mandela and other university workers inside the room, looking at some extremely expensive items]]
Occupied by tour for visiting Nelson Mandela

Accelerator Tunnel:
[[Couple stares at a heavy, imposing door denying them entry]]
Sealed while beam is in operation.

Beaver Lodge (stop snickering!):
[[couple attempting to enter an occupied beaver lodge]]
Frozen over for winter to keep out predators; only accessible via underwater entrance.

Hyperspace:
[[Couple in front of a number of highly advanced physics textbooks]]
Person 1: Are you *sure*?
Ruled out by current understanding of physics.

{{Title text: Eventual headline: 'University Researchers Create Life in Lab! Darkness, Faulty Condoms Blamed.'}}