[[A guy in a knit hat is sitting at a desk, typing on a laptop. Another guy is looking over his shoulder.]]
Laptop: 
*move*

Other guy: Why'd you move your knight away?

[[The guy in the hat turns around to look at the other guy.]]
Other guy: Just think 
logically
. The goal is checkmate, so you should always move pieces 
toward the other player's king.

[[A close-up on the other guy, hand to chin in thought.]]
Other guy: I guess occasionally you need to move backward, but it'd be trivial to make a list of those circumstances and--

[[The guy in the hat leans back in his chair.]]
Hat guy: Have you ever 
played
 chess?
Other guy: Not buch, but--
Hat guy: Wanna?
Other guy: Uh, ok.

[[The two have set up a chessboard on a stool between them, the guy in the hat playing from his chair, the other guy standing. The guy in the hat takes the first move.]]
*move*
*move*
*move*
*move*
*move*
*move*
*move*
Hat guy: Checkmate.

[[The other guy stares at the board.]]

[[The guy in the knit hat has turned back to his laptop, and the other guy is standing behind him, still looking at the chessboard on the stool.]]
Other guy: This game isn't very well-designed. For starters, knights are too weak...

{{Title text: I've developed a more logical set of rules but the people on the chess community have a bunch of stupid emotional biases and won't reply to my posts.}}